I didn't sleep last night. Around 4 AM, I got in the Jeep and headed south and west. I just drove. As day broke, I ended up about a mile from my house - here, by this patch of green. I got out and sat in the wildflowers. I cried some. I cried out more.
Several months ago a friend recommended I talk with a Christian counselor who helped her through a divorce. I went. I sat in his office - the man who's become a blessed answer to so many prayers - and I talked. And he sat quietly until finally pinching up his forehead and looking at me earnestly.
You know where you are now, right? he asked.
No, I said. I have no idea. I clenched my fists into tight bone balls and tried not to spill any tears.
You're in between.
I'm sorry? I'm where? My heart pounded.
In between, he repeated. You are not where you've been but not yet where you're intended. You are in between.
I glared at him. And what... what the crap am I supposed to do there?
He smiled sympathetically. Linger, he replied. Linger where God has you. Linger and learn.I'd pushed that from my mind lately. You're in between. But this morning as I got back in the car after sitting and crying in wildflowers, I bent my head over the steering wheel and screamed. I screamed and screamed and screamed until... what? My head snapped up. The Jeep made several loud clicking sounds and the CD player started blaring. New CD. I stared at it, screamless.
And then I got chills. And then I felt my chest fill with air - as if I'd taken the biggest breath imaginable - and I knew. And as this song (to the right) started to play, I heard it whispered all around me: you're not in between anymore. Thank you for lingering and learning with Me here. The in between is over.
Praise God, I'm not in between anymore. I wait expectantly to see how He will turn my tragedies into His triumphs. How He will bless the in between. And there is an in between. We are led there to linger and to learn. But the in between is just that... there's something on either side. It has an end. I survived my in between. And I'm ready to tell my story. I think I'm ready now. And I think I'll call it... I'll call it... well, I must call it... The Beauty of In Between....