Wednesday, May 7, 2008

The Beauty of In Between (Or, Into the Day)

My life changed yesterday. It changed in the way I most feared... a way I had oddly predicted but for which I was wholly unprepared.

I didn't sleep last night. Around 4 AM, I got in the Jeep and headed south and west. I just drove. As day broke, I ended up about a mile from my house - here, by this patch of green. I got out and sat in the wildflowers. I cried some. I cried out more.

Several months ago a friend recommended I talk with a Christian counselor who helped her through a divorce. I went. I sat in his office - the man who's become a blessed answer to so many prayers - and I talked. And he sat quietly until finally pinching up his forehead and looking at me earnestly.

You know where you are now, right? he asked.

No, I said. I have no idea. I clenched my fists into tight bone balls and tried not to spill any tears.

You're in between.

I'm sorry? I'm where? My heart pounded.

In between, he repeated. You are not where you've been but not yet where you're intended. You are in between.

I glared at him. And what... what the crap am I supposed to do there?

He smiled sympathetically. Linger, he replied. Linger where God has you. Linger and learn.

I'd pushed that from my mind lately. You're in between. But this morning as I got back in the car after sitting and crying in wildflowers, I bent my head over the steering wheel and screamed. I screamed and screamed and screamed until... what? My head snapped up. The Jeep made several loud clicking sounds and the CD player started blaring. New CD. I stared at it, screamless.

And then I got chills. And then I felt my chest fill with air - as if I'd taken the biggest breath imaginable - and I knew. And as this song (to the right) started to play, I heard it whispered all around me: you're not in between anymore. Thank you for lingering and learning with Me here. The in between is over.

Praise God, I'm not in between anymore. I wait expectantly to see how He will turn my tragedies into His triumphs. How He will bless the in between. And there is an in between. We are led there to linger and to learn. But the in between is just that... there's something on either side. It has an end. I survived my in between. And I'm ready to tell my story. I think I'm ready now. And I think I'll call it... I'll call it... well, I must call it... The Beauty of In Between....

(If you can't hear the song, the lyrics are here. Wow.)

33 comments:

Rebecca said...

((((Brin)))) I am so happy for you. Not happy for your pain, but happy for what God will do for you and with you, because of your pain. You will become gold, refined by the fire of your pain and experience. You my girl, will become a display of His splendor. And now you stand on the brink, at the threshold of something great. I am proud of you for listening to Him, and abiding in Him.

Anonymous said...

BW, I can't believe your life or what just happened (OMG!!!!!) but know that I will keep praying for you. We love you so much and will be here for you in any way whatsoever you need, just call. The Bebo song is great and I can totally believe that God was holding that song for you, did you listen to it all the way, it says 'for you have only begun to know What it’s all about' and I think that is so so true for you and what your life will be. You are only just beginning to know what this has all been for and what awesome things God has for you, so hold on!!! Congrats on all the good things in your life, hold on to those and rest in him. We love you more than you know and you didn't deserve any of this. We're willing to order a few hits if its necessary!! :-> K&B

redeemed diva said...

Wow! Brin, thank you so much for sharing. Oddly enough, I needed to hear that today. I needed to hear that someone is screaming in their Jeep and that there is an in between that requires some lingering. I'm thankful to Jesus for your breakthrough and excited about how you will move forward with your new dreams now that your "in between" is over.

kali said...

I can't even remember how I found your blog. But when I did, I read the whole thing. And I felt like God was saying, "There is so much you can learn from this woman. Pay attention. Listen." And I have learned. I continue to learn. Knowing pieces of your story, here or there or in between, has helped make my story more bearable from time to time. There have been so many situations that I have prayed over, and the words of your Monday Moments come to me. God speaks through you. He blesses through you. He has changed my life through you. I am so grateful for you. Your strength gives me strength. I praise God that you are out of in between. And I praise Him for everything that will be in your life. I praise Him for your story. I praise Him for you.
Your story has and will continue to change my life, and draw me closer to the One who created me. There are no proper words to show my gratitude.
You have arrived, Brin.
Love,
kali

Anonymous said...

I can hardly type...too many "knowing tears"

Your world is about to unfold my friend

Anonymous said...

Welcome Home!

Becky said...

Hi Brin.

I just wanted to pop by and say that I'm praying for you through this transition. Thank you for your honesty and transparency through this difficult time for you. God is using you in SO many different ways and He will be glorified through you.

God bless you!

Vee ~ A Haven for Vee said...

You can't imagine how much this post means to me. Praise God for the moving on...

Adrienne said...

The best is yet to come! God has held you in the palm of His hand. He won't let go now. He has great plans for you. Things for you to do to touch the lives of others. Take care, my friend, as you move ahead. I can't wait to hear what God has for you. ~Adrienne~

Anonymous said...

I just stumbled across this blog. It is just lovely. God bless. MaryO

Anonymous said...

God has such BIG things for you, I know he does. What a mixed blessing, being prepared for a ministry you did not ask for but were preordained for any way. I'm relieved you recognize his grace in spite of your changed life. (Brittni)

Anonymous said...

Things will get better Brin.
As a 50 yr.old woman, married for 20 yrs. with 2 teenaged sons,1 dog and 1 cat, I can tell you that life is messy...1 week you're on the upswing and the next on the downswing...try not to let the difficult times get you down..they will pass soon enough. You are a smart,strong, talented woman and don't let anyone convince you otherwise. And the trouble with Milly will pass too. My puppy peed over every square inch of my carpets downstairs..we had to throw them away...but every time I got annoyed with him, I remembered
that we had torn him away from his mother and siblings and he only had us to depend on and my heart
would melt.I used to cover him with kisses. He is now 5 yrs. old
and I cannot imagine my life without him.
Stay strong and be proud of all of
the incredible things that you have accomplished...you are amazing!
Karen

Susan said...

I do hope that sweet Milly was with you ... she's just a baby and she needs her new Mama ... and ... she will give you more love and comfort than you can imagine.

Sue Neitzel said...

Yippie, Brin has her groove back, I"m SO happy for you!! Doesn't God work in mysterious ways, that was awesome, and you made my day, you listened! I just love the in between idea, so true! We all love you so much!! My prayers have been answered for you!

Lulu said...

Lingering can be the hardest part of healing, but I agree that it is necessary. When we "linger and learn" in our in between we find grace, peace, and joy in technicolor. Welcome to your intended life; I pray it holds much happiness and success for you!

Debe said...

YOU give ME the chills. Ok, we're waiting. Our friend is healing and we're waiting to enjoy the results. You are an amazing spirit.

betty r said...

'Lingering to learn' is indeed a hard place to be in but the result is pure joy!
Thank you for sharing Brin..
God is good!

Anonymous said...

The in-between place reminds me of Beth Moore's place of Deeper Still. A place where only you and God can go together - no friends can travel the road with you and it's a hard place, but one that leaves you never-the-same, in a good way. I don't even know you but your gifts are SO evident and I can only believe that God has amazing things for you on the other side of this. Praying for you.

Mim said...

Brin,
Peace be with you as you move forward from 'in between.'
And have some fun with Millie and bakery plans as you move forward into the unknown!
Mim

Kimberley said...

Only BEBO!!!!! could escort you out of your "in between!" Don't you just want to squish him? Love that guy, love our great big God!

Brenda@CoffeeTeaBooks said...

One of the things I write about quite often is "Don't waste your trials". I am convinced that God only allows those things in our life that He can use to mold and shape us.

Then, as we become the person He wants us to become... we are His hands and His feet (and His mouthpiece) in a hurting world.

But we can't do so unless we've walked the path of the people we're helping. It is only when we have hurt and not only survived but come through severe (not able to breath at times) trials that we can FEEL the pain of others, just like He took on our pain.

That's why I love your blog. You are real... fur rubbed off the bunny kind of real.

sea mystery said...

Dearest Brin,
We're here on the other side of in between and we're waiting with love and understanding whenever you need it. Be comforted, sweet girl, that you are never alone. God is there and so are we. xxoo

Anonymous said...

I have so been there..inbetween..married from 20-31 untill he walked out for someone else..inbetween is a place to learn...I think I learned more from my inbetween passage then any other time in my life before that.You learn what YOU want...you follow YOUR dreams..you learn to follow your dreams...sometimes inbetween is sad and lonely and other times it is rather exciting...because each day is the promise of a new begining...a new story to tell...but most of all you DO survive...and you become who YOU are meant to be!
Geneen from calif

Mama Lisa said...

i don't know what is going on personally with you, but know that when God brings you to it he will bring you through it. all the tears, pain and heartache, will too someday be a lesson you are happy you had. God bless. may you be richly blessed.

Becky K. said...

That is such an awesome testimony. So many people are caught "in between" for a season. It's undeniable but hopefully after a while it is over...thanks for sharing. I'm praying this season soon ends for my Mother-in-law who is struggling after her husband's passing last year.
Becky K.

Jen(n) said...

what a powerful post. God is so real... he is for real people, dealing with real issues, needing real love.

tara said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Brin~

Loving your peaceful contemplation and your faithfulness in waiting on the Lord.

Can I just say that I HOPE against hope that you will no longer be sitting in a cubby in the city. If that is the change, it is a gift from God if you are out of there! I'm just sayin'.....

Have a blessed day snuggling with your new little girl. She'll grow up a bit and bring you such joy. I just know she will be your new best friend. :o)

Also, congrat's on the bakery. Can't wait to sample some of the yummy goodness coming from your kitchen.

Lots of good things in your life right now. Keep looking up and hang in there. Now that you've hit a valley, the mtns. are just ahead!! :O)

Blessings,
mickey

tara said...

Your post gave me chills too. The good kind...the God kind. :) Thank you for being so transparent and allowing us to almost visualize your encounter. I cannot say I know what that is like, but I can say I have had times in my life where screaming (out of frustration, sadness, anger...) as I reached for God was just about all that I could do. He truly meets us where we are. I'm so glad for your life changing experience...and I can't wait to go look at the lyrics to that Bebo song. It didn't play when I came to the page so I will find it another way:) lifting you up in prayer and looking forward with you as you come out of this valley...as He 'leads you beside still waters' and 'restores your soul' ...

Jill said...

Oh, Brin. God reached down and gave you a HUG just when you needed it most. Wow.

From now on you'll always know that after the storm there is the touch of the divine to carry you forward. It really is darkest just before down. As another who has burned her candle through the night to struggle with grief, fear and loss, I send love, hope and prayers your way. And you already have the puppy love!

Rosemary said...

HI Brin, I found your blog today. I saw the picture of your lovely old home and knew i had to read more. Then i saw the field with bluebonnets and knew you had to live in Texas, so i kept reading :) Your post today gave me goosebumps. Best wishes to you in your journey.

A Woman Who is: said...

Hmm... I have been pondering off and on today the "in between place"

This has been a good reminder for me to embrace change, it is not all bad. Special things happen in our hearts that can only be wrought in the "in between"

My life is in transition right now with the whole empty nest thing.

Thanks for sharing your story, it encourages us all.

Feathering My Nest said...

Brin, This is awesome. God has brought you through where only God could have. I've been in between many times. God is faithful. One of my "in betweens" was snuffed out with the aid of Beth Moore's workbook "Breaking Free." I was a new person after this. God bless you on your new adventure with freedom. Keep your eyes glued to God's WORD, which is TRUTH. Hugs, Kathi